Black and Blue
by Esperata
Summary: Alvin's mistake has cost Simon and Jeanette dearly. The road to recovery will be difficult. Different to my other stories so let me know what you think.
1. Tragedy

Jeanette looked herself over in the full length mirror. Brittany had selected a long, simple black dress for her. It was certainly pretty, not at all Brittany's usual out going style… which was presumably why she'd chosen it for Jeanette. It was in fact quite plain with just a few features to lend some style.

Jeanette stared at her reflection as she realised something. It wasn't right. This wasn't her. She never wore black. A memory rose, overwhelmingly real.

_"You look nice Simon." He was dressed in a smart black tuxedo and they were dancing. He pulled at his collar.  
_"_Thank you but I don't really like this suit. It's not 'me' and I don't like black…I much prefer blue…"_

With a determined expression Jeanette returned to her wardrobe and pulled out her favourite blue dress with purple trims. She smiled as she slipped it on instead of the sophisticated black dress. She checked her hair briefly and hurried to join her sisters.

Eleanor was wearing a sensible dark charcoal dress and Brittany had her own fancy black dress on. Both gasped as they saw their sister.

"You **can't** wear that!" Brittany declared.

"I can wear whatever I want," Jeanette replied firmly. Brittany hesitated. Jeanette didn't usually argue back and Brittany realised she would have to actually fight with her sister if she was to win this. Thankfully Eleanor took her side, gently speaking to Jeanette.

"Jeanette, everyone will frown at you if you don't wear black. They'll think you don't care…"

"Simon doesn't like black," she replied, obviously signalling that was the final word. Eleanor and Brittany exchanged a worried glance but then their guardian appeared. She stopped at the sight of her intelligent daughter.

"Jeanette?" The tallest girl looked up at her mother.

"Simon… he said he didn't like black… he preferred blue…" though her voice faltered, her look didn't. Ms Miller pulled her into an embrace.

"And I'm sure he would appreciate you doing this for him."

***

When they arrived at the venue, Dave and the boys were waiting outside. As Ms Miller and the girls approached, Jeanette noticed that Alvin was avoiding their eyes. He and Brittany hadn't spoken in a week, and even Eleanor was avoiding him. Jeanette resolved herself to be nice to him, for Simon's sake.

Walking ahead of her family she stood in front of Alvin.

"How are you?" she asked kindly. Alvin stared at her in shock. She was the last person he was expecting to speak to him when even his own girlfriend… her sister… was shunning him. Behind her, said sister was glaring daggers.

"Urm… OK," he mumbled. She nodded and briefly patted his arm in silent reassurance. Kindness done, she turned to their father.

"Where's Simon?" He looked down into her clear green eyes and gestured inside.

"Thank you," she replied politely before leaving them to go find her boyfriend.

She found him on his own inside. The room was silent as no-one else had arrived yet and there was only the sound of Jeanette's shoes tapping lightly as she approached. He looked divine but he didn't look at her. She walked up so she was right next to him and took the time to study his features.

He looked content and relaxed. She remembered the last time they'd met up together, a little over a week ago. They'd spent the afternoon visiting a local exhibit, drinking shakes together, and then she'd gone back to study at his house. Dave had invited her to stay to dinner and before she'd had to leave they'd sat out together under the stars. For a while they'd discussed the constellations… then they'd kissed… then they'd simply sat together.

It was quiet now, like then, and they were alone, but the feeling of love had gone. All she felt now was cold. Unwittingly she began to shiver. Two arms wrapped themselves about her, one from either of her sisters.

"Come on, Jeanette," Brittany whispered.

"It's starting now," Eleanor added as together they pulled Jeanette back with them.

Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,  
and let perpetual light shine upon them.  
A hymn becomes you, O God, in Zion,  
and to you shall a vow be repaid in Jerusalem.  
Hear my prayer;  
to you shall all flesh come.  
Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,  
and let perpetual light shine upon them.

As the funeral service started, Jeanette broke down into silent tears.


	2. Denial

Jeanette was startled into wakefulness from her vivid dream. As she glanced round the room she realised her sisters were already up but she lay back to collect herself before rising. As she sank back against her pillows her breathing relaxed and she felt her tense muscles unwind. Idly she watched the dust motes floating in a sunbeam. Already the dream was fading. Unbidden she smiled as a song bird started singing outside her window. It was a beautiful day, full of promise.

With a contented sigh she finally got herself up. She pottered into the bathroom and checked her reflection. A slight frown crossed her face. She wasn't one to particularly worry about her appearance but even she realised she looked unusually puffy. 'Too much sleep?' she wondered. Then she remembered her terrible dreams and quickly decided they must have disturbed her rest.

She set to rinsing her face and brushing her hair until she looked at least presentable and then went to join her family downstairs. They all looked up as she breezed in and she greeted them with a smile.

"Jeanette?" Eleanor sounded concerned. "Are you alright?" For a moment Jeanette hesitated, then she remembered the bags under her eyes.

"Oh, well, I didn't sleep so well, but I'm OK." Ms Miller passed her some cereal and milk.

"Do you want to…" Brittany looked uneasy, "talk about it?"

"No. It's OK." She felt unnerved at being the sudden focus of attention and turned all her own attention onto her breakfast. Thankfully Ms Miller started talking about various chores in the house and Jeanette was left in peace.

As her mother began to clear everything away, Jeanette spoke up again.

"Is it alright for me to go to the library?"

"The library? Are you sure you want to go there dear?" Jeanette nodded.

"My books are due back today," she explained. She felt a hand on her arm and looked across to find Brittany next to her.

"Would you like me to come with you?" Jeanette frowned. Brittany never went to the library. What was she up to?

"No thanks. I'd rather go on my own." She thought for a moment Brittany would argue… she usually did… but instead she nodded and stepped back. Feeling suddenly nervous Jeanette hurried up to get her things. She couldn't understand why everyone was acting so concerned about her.

With a brief call to say she wouldn't be long she headed out. Once outside the worry that had began to hover over her disappeared. The sun was shining and everything seemed perfect. It didn't take her long to reach town but as she came to the main street a sense of unease stole across her. The traffic was making her stomach churn. She looked nervously at the cars and bikes. Rationally she knew they weren't speeding up but she couldn't shake the idea that they were all accelerating.

She made a sudden decision to take the longer route which would take her through the pedestrian subway rather than trying to cross the road.

As she walked along she wondered why she was suddenly nervous of crossing a street she'd crossed hundreds of times before. A memory of her dream came back to her. There'd been a squeal of tires… a look of fear… quickly she shook her head as a shiver ran down her spine. It was just a dream she reminded herself. Just a dream.

By the time she'd gone into the library and exchanged her books she was feeling more herself again. She stood on the sidewalk soaking up the warm sunshine and pondering what to do next. Logically she should head straight home as she'd promised. However, she still had a lingering fear of that main road and she still couldn't shake the vague sense of unease that something bad was going to happen. So she decided to go and see the one person who she knew would be able to reassure her.

As she turned towards the chipmunk's house she imagined explaining this to Simon.

'I had this weird dream and then I just got so nervous…" He'd belittle her concerns of course… explain the scientific reasons why dreams and premonitions are silly superstitions… but ultimately he'd reassure her that everything was OK.

She was smiling happily as she rang their doorbell. It sounded unusually quiet and she wondered if they were out but then Dave pulled open the door. He looked tired but Jeanette smiled politely.

"Hello, Mr Seville."

"Jeanette… I didn't expect… is there something I can do for you?"

"No, thank you," she replied slightly puzzled. "I just came to see Simon."

"Simon?" he echoed as though he hadn't heard of such a person. "But…" he sighed. "You better come in."

She followed him in, still slightly puzzled by his behaviour. Glancing into the living room she saw Simon's brothers curled up together under a blanket. They stared at her but didn't move.

"Oh, are the boys unwell?" she asked as Dave led her into the kitchen.

"They're… yes, they're not well."

"So is Simon in bed?"

"No… no." Dave fiddled about moving a stack of dirty plates before turning back to her. "Sit down Jeanette." She obliged and waited to see what he wanted to say. He came over and looked her in the eyes.

"Jeannette. Can you remember yesterday?"

"Yesterday? Well, today is Saturday so yesterday must have been Friday."

"Yes, but do you remember what you did? Where you went?" Jeanette struggled to remember.

"I must have gone to school…"

"No. No you didn't. Try to remember," he pleaded.

"Oh, I remember. We were at rehearsals. For a new album."

"No."

"But I remember singing…"

"You were at church," he prompted gently though his voice caught in his throat.

"Church?" she echoed, fighting against a terrible knowledge that was rising inside.

"Yes. You went… to say goodbye… to Simon." Jeanette stared at David Seville who was now crying before her. Her own tears were beginning to fall.

"I thought," she murmured choking, "I thought it was a dream." He pulled her into an embrace and whispered,

"I know." He held her tight as her grief overwhelmed her and she sobbed onto his shoulder.


	3. Anger

"Thank you for coming with me," Jeanette murmured. Her sisters simply squeezed her in reply. It had been several days since the knowledge of Simon's death had finally sunk in and this was the first time Jeanette had felt up to going out. She'd spent most of her time crying silently, looking through all the things that reminded her of him. Brittany had wanted to take them away… she hated seeing her sister so broken… but Ms Miller had told them it was natural. Jeannette needed to grieve in order to recover.

So when she'd expressed her wish to visit Simon's grave, both sisters had agreed to go with her and offer their support. They'd been silent for most of the journey. Neither Eleanor nor Brittany knew quite what to say but Jeannette was simply grateful for their presence. However that changed as soon as Brittany saw who else was visiting today.

"How dare he?" she growled. Jeannette tried to hold her back but Brittany was already storming across the cemetery. By Simon's grave, the silent mourner hadn't noticed their arrival and was still talking quietly when Brittany arrived. She shoved him out the way.

"What do you think you're doing here?" she demanded. Alvin looked up at her with a tear stained face.

"Brittany…"

"You have no right to stand here with your crocodile tears!" He broke down into more tears as Jeanette and Eleanor arrived behind their sister.

"Brittany…" Jeannette tried to interrupt. Her sister spun round.

"Don't worry Jeannette," she soothed. "I'll get rid of him." She turned back and swung her palm hard into Alvin's face.

"No!" Jeanette cried.

"It's OK," Eleanor hugged Jeanette. "He'll pay for upsetting you like this." Jeannette was smothered both by her sister's embrace and her own choking sobs. Alvin hadn't reacted at all to the blow.

"You dare show your face here?" Brittany continued. "It's your fault he's here in the first place!" Jeannette let out a wail and Eleanor hugged her tighter. Alvin finally looked up.

"I never… never meant…"

"That doesn't change the fact this is all your fault!" Brittany shouted. Alvin broke down into more sobs, unable to do more than shake his head. Brittany continued. "You wanted to be the fastest kid on the block… showing off in your new car… you didn't care for anyone but yourself…"

"No…" he murmured.

"And look what happened! If you hadn't been drag racing at those lights Simon wouldn't have been killed!"

"No!" Alvin shouted before turning tail and running as fast as he could out of the cemetery. Eleanor released Jeanette who dropped to the ground still sobbing.

"I'm sorry Simon… so sorry…" she whispered. Brittany stared at her.

"Why are you apologising? It's that irresponsible brother of his who should be apologising." Jeanette stood up in a fury.

"He probably **was** apologising until he was run off by the one person who should have been supporting him! Who should…" she stopped and fell back to her knees. "Can you imagine how he must be feeling? He'll have to live with that guilt…"

"Are you seriously sympathising?" Brittany interrupted angrily. "He's the reason your boyfriend is six feet under!"

"Brittany!" Eleanor said, shocked. Jeannette rose again.

"You have no idea Brittany! You can't begin to imagine the pain… the loss… It claws away inside me like a disease with no cure. I can sympathise with Alvin because he was Simon's brother! He loved him! I _know_ he never meant to hurt him and I can't begin to imagine the additional torment of having that on his conscience…" she turned back to the grave and whispered quietly,

"Simon would have forgiven Alvin." A small smile pulled at her mouth. "He always did."

"He can hardly do that now though can he?" Brittany pointed out.

"No. But you can." Jeannette faced her sister. "You love Alvin, Brittany. I know you do. What would you feel if he was gone tomorrow? If you never saw him again? If the last things you'd said to him were accusations?" Brittany's arms dropped to her sides. Jeannette turned away.

"There are so many things I'll never get to say to Simon. So many things we'll never get to do. You shouldn't waste a moment with Alvin. He needs you now… more than ever."

"But…"

"He didn't mean to hurt anyone, Brittany. It was an accident. If he could, he's trade places with Simon."

"How do you know that?"

"Because I would."


	4. Bargaining

Jeanette breathed deeply. There was still a chill in the air and she felt a sudden shiver down her back. She was standing outside the Seville's house, her eyes wandering over the familiar building as though seeing it for the first time. It was as though she expected the house to look different on the outside now the internal occupancy had changed. But it looked just the same as always. Outwardly she knew she appeared the same as always too, even if internally she was broken.

Then again, she'd always been good at hiding her feelings. Only Simon had ever been able to recognise the changing currents in her heart without fail. He'd said once she was like a lake. To other people, she was unchanging and placid. To him, she was a delicate watercolour of ripples. She smiled at the memory. He'd been particularly poetic that day. No-one else ever heard him speak like that. To others he was always the sensible one. The brainy one. To her he was sensitive and loving.

Her gaze shifted back to the front door. Simon hadn't just been loving to her, she recalled. He'd cared deeply for his brothers. And now he was no longer around to take care of them.

With another steadying breath Jeanette walked up to the door and rang the bell. An irrational hope filled her that _he_ would open the door as he had so many times in the past, and she felt a wave of disappointment as Theodore looked up at her.

"Jeanette." He greeted her with a shy smile. "It's good to see you out." She smiled back.

"I've spent too long inside with my thoughts. I needed to get out. See my friends again." A genuine smile lit Theodore's face and he gestured her inside. She followed him into the kitchen where he was apparently preparing a breakfast tray. "Am I interrupting?" she asked.

"No," he hesitated. "Dave's not… he's having trouble adjusting." Jeannette glanced round the kitchen. She hadn't paid much attention last time she'd come over but she realised the place was showing signs of neglect… though Theodore had clearly been doing his best to keep things going.

"I'll wait here while you take that up to him," she offered. Theodore nodded and picked up the tray. As he was in the doorway, he stopped and turned.

"Don't blame Dave for the mess. He just needs more time." Jeannette smiled sadly.

"I understand."

While Theodore was gone taking care of his father, she cleared some of the debris from the sides. It felt good to be doing something useful. She was just wondering whether they had done any laundry when Theodore came back. He stopped and his face crumpled. Seconds later he was sobbing. Jeannette hurried over and wrapped her arms round him, unsuccessfully trying to stop her own tears.

"You shouldn't…" he shuddered. "You shouldn't have to…"

"Hush," she whispered. "It's okay." She continued to gently soothe him 'til both their tears had stopped. Even so she kept her arms round him.

"You know," she murmured. "I've always thought of you as my little brother… just as you were Simon's. And Simon wouldn't have let you shoulder all this yourself… so why should I?"

"But… you must hurt too… like Dave and Alvin…"

"And like you," she added. "But like you, I can deal with my feelings better than them. Life has to go on." She gave him a squeeze and finally released him. He looked up at her tear stained face.

"That's just like what Simon would have said." Another tear leaked down his face. "I miss him. He'd have known what to do… to make things better…" Jeanette smiled softly at him.

"You're doing so well... Simon would be proud of you." He nodded and moved away, partly to start cleaning the sides but also to hide his face. "It's more important than ever for us to pull together now, Theodore."

Jeanette resolved to encourage Eleanor to resume her friendship with Theodore. Brittany may still have been blaming Alvin, but Jeannette knew Eleanor would not hold back from helping Theodore because of that.

"Theodore?" Jeanette queried. "Where's Alvin?" The small boy froze.

"Urm… I'm not sure."

"You mean he's gone out already?"

"He never came back last night… I'd have gone looking for him but Dave…" the poor boy stopped and Jeannette took pity on him.

"If Alvin wanted to be alone, you wouldn't have been able to find him." Theodore nodded.

"I'm worried about him," his damp eyes met Jeannette's. "He blames himself for what happened and…"

"I know," Jeannette murmured softly. A part of her blamed Alvin too but only in the rational sense that she could reason the chain of events that led to Simon's tragedy. In her heart she felt nothing but pity for him. Alvin was who he was. He'd always been reckless and she wouldn't have changed that about him. She knew that Simon would have understood the risks far better than his older brother when he got into the car that night. And she knew for a certainty that he'd have felt the risk worth taking for himself if he could minimise the risk for his brother.

She turned away from Theodore to look out at the sunlight rising over the world. Closing her eyes she listened to the voice that echoed in her head. It had been there since the day she'd first met Simon. A second voice to her own conscience that murmured to her what Simon would have said. She'd always doubted herself but since meeting him she'd been reassured by the knowledge that he thought she was better than she believed. Even now he was gone, she could still hear him.

"_Alvin doesn't think things through… but he's good hearted and… he's my brother."_

"He's my brother," she echoed.

"Pardon?" She turned back to Theodore.

"Alvin. He's as much my brother as you are. And family should stick together."

"You really… don't blame him?" She considered this.

"It _was_ his fault… but no, I don't blame him."

"Could you… no. No, forget it."

"What?"

"It's just… he blames himself so completely… and everyone else seems to blame him… Dave… Brittany… so much so that he doesn't believe there's anyone who _doesn't_. If you…" She smiled a warm smile at him.

"Darling Theodore. You're so sweet. Don't worry. I'll do everything I can to help Alvin. It's what Simon would have wanted."


	5. Depression

When Jeanette had gone home after visiting Theodore, she considered speaking to Brittany about Alvin. But she couldn't face it. The last time they'd spoken about it, after getting back from the cemetery, Brittany had accused Jeanette of not caring that Alvin had killed Simon… of not caring for Simon. Jeanette had not been able to speak to her sister after that. It was the most hurtful thing Brittany had ever said and strangely, she was having a harder time forgiving Brittany for that than she was Alvin for the accident. The reason was simple… Brittany knew the hurt she was causing… Alvin hadn't.

But she did speak to Eleanor. The youngest sister was caught in the middle, not wanting to see her sisters fighting but unable to do anything to heal the breach. By asking her to support Theodore, Jeanette gave her something productive to do, and Eleanor needed that. It also relieved some of the pressure Jeanette was under.

Brittany's comments had reminded Jeanette that she was essentially burying her own feelings behind everyone else's. She was aware of her own pain bubbling beneath her calm exterior, and particularly when she was alone, those feelings threatened to boil up and overwhelm her again. She knew she was falling back into old habits to help her cope. Putting everyone else first was what she'd always done. Only Simon had ever encouraged her to put her own happiness first… but he wasn't here anymore.

So she focused her attention onto Alvin. She felt that if she could somehow help him deal with his pain, then her own would lessen. But that wouldn't be easy. From what Theodore had said, Alvin was running increasingly wild… trying to flee from his own pain and guilt. Jeanette was sure she could help him but first she'd have to find him.

The sun was setting when she set out and the part of her mind that still operated rationally suggested it would turn cold but she didn't pick up her jacket. Recently, she'd stopped noticing the cold. Having no real idea as to where Alvin would go, Jeanette wandered first to the cemetery. In the twilight the place looked very different. Sinister shadows rose around the headstones and Jeanette couldn't bring herself to approach Simon's grave. It was too dark. Quickly, she turned away from the black landscape and headed back to the street lights. Her feet guided her instinctively to the group's treetop retreat, whether as a fearful reaction to the graveyard or out of a hope to find Alvin she couldn't say. Either way, she was disappointed when she entered the tree house. Alvin clearly hadn't been here recently. In fact, it was painfully obvious who'd been here last. Jeanette stood stock still staring at the periodic table laid out across the floor.

_"Chloride is an unstable chemical… it's not complete until it combines with another chemical… like sodium. Together they make something better… Sodium Chloride. They say certain people have chemistry. I think that's true. I wasn't complete 'til I met you…but together, we make something perfect. You complete me."_

Jeanette couldn't see where she was going. If she could have she'd have turned back before she got as far as she did. But the tears were running unstoppably and she kept going until she was out of breath. Then she leant against the nearest wall, covering her face with her hands, trying to control the flood of emotions.

"Hey," a smooth voice interrupted her and she lowered her hands. A tall, slick looking boy, flanked by two rougher boys, was watching her. "What's a pretty girl like you doing round here?" He grinned.

"I… was looking for someone." The grin widened and he glanced at his comrades.

"Looks like your lucky day." Jeanette's eyes widened as he stepped forward. Then another voice called from behind the boys.

"I think you'll find she was looking for me." The boys stepped back and turned to look at the newcomer.

"Alvin," the pack leader nodded at her. "One of your groupies?" Alvin stepped between them 'til he stood in front of Jeanette.

"Yeah." His gaze clearly told them to back off and surprisingly they did with little more than a few sniggers and a wolf whistle. Jeanette couldn't help it. The tears started falling again.

"Jeanette… what are you doing here?" Alvin looked deeply uncomfortable. She noticed the changed appearance and was momentarily afraid. He looked rough and if she didn't know him she'd have taken him for a gangster like the others. But his eyes still had something of Simon's about them.

"I was looking for you."

"Me?" he sounded shocked.

"I've been worried about you." He stared at her before turning away abruptly.

"You don't have to worry about me, Jeannie. I'm not going to 'cause any of you any more trouble."

"That's not what I meant…"

"Look!" he interrupted her angrily. "I know what I've done… I don't need reminding… and I'm gonna make sure my stupidity can't hurt anyone close to me ever again. Alright?" Suddenly Jeanette felt an anger unlike any she'd ever known.

"So that's how you're going to repay Simon?" She stepped forward. "He gave his life to try and save you! I know what the police said, Alvin. If Simon hadn't grabbed the wheel when he did you'd have gone straight into that bridge." Alvin flinched as though hit.

"He shouldn't have been in the car," he replied automatically.

"He had a choice Alvin. He didn't _have_ to go with you. He did it 'cause he knew how reckless you can be. And he was right. You were so intent on getting in front of that other car you weren't paying attention. You'd have killed yourself if he hadn't been there."

"Maybe that would have been better," Alvin replied angrily. "Simon shouldn't have had to be the one to take care of me! I was _his_ older brother. I should have been protecting him. He would have made something of his life. He was going to do great things…"

"And now he can't," Jeanette interrupted firmly. "Whether you like it or not Alvin, _you_ survived." They stared at each other a long moment before Jeanette continued in a quieter voice. "You survived… and if you had any love for Simon, you should make the most of his sacrifice. Do your best to live up to his belief in you. You could do great things Alvin." She gave him a small smile. He shook his head.

"How can you say that Jeanette? How can you even look at me?"

"Because… I can see your pain Alvin. The fact you want to run away to protect those close to you… shows how much you care. Simon always knew you loved him… he may have been exasperated with you sometimes but only because he knew how much potential you had. You could do great things Alvin, if only you put your mind to it."

"I can't," he spoke so softly she barely heard it. Quietly she stepped up to him and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"I know one thing you could do that would mean a great deal to lots of people." He looked up at her questioningly. "Go home." He frowned in confusion.

"They don't want me there," he began but Jeanette shook her head firmly.

"Theodore needs you Alvin. And Dave needs you. And… Simon would want you to live as you should. He wouldn't have wanted to see you like this." Alvin looked down.

"It's just so hard… without him there…" A tear slid down Jeanette's cheek.

"I know," she murmured. "But we have to do this… for him." Alvin looked up at her.

"Jeanette…" he shook his head in realisation. "God, I've been such a selfish jerk haven't I? You of all people shouldn't be comforting me." She smiled.

"Perhaps I'm the best person to." They smiled at each other briefly before Jeanette continued. "Alvin… I need you to come home. I need to see Simon's sacrifice wasn't in vain. Show me that he was right to believe in you." Alvin sighed.

"I'm not so sure he was… but I'm certainly going to try."


	6. Acceptance

Jeanette had walked home with Alvin but left him to face his family alone. It wasn't that she wanted to make things difficult for him, but rather a sign of faith. She _knew_ he could do this. It would be hard to face the rooms where Simon was so familiar… hard to look into the eyes of his father and see the remembrance of another son… harder perhaps to accept the sympathy and support of his remaining brother… but Alvin was strong enough to cope.

As Jeanette stepped back into her own home, and glimpsed Brittany turning into the kitchen, she wondered if she had enough strength to deal with her own sister.

"_You shouldn't let her speak to you like that, Jeanette,"_ Simon's voice echoed in her mind. He'd always told her to stand up to her sister. To have faith in herself.

She'd never managed it until she'd fallen in love with him… until he'd looked at her as though she were something special… and she'd thought that, perhaps, she _could_ be something special. Together they'd planned to do wonderful things. Was any of that still possible now?

Jeanette steeled herself and headed into the kitchen.

"Brittany." The eldest chipette looked up in some surprise.

"Jeanette?" Seconds later she remembered herself and drew herself up haughtily. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to tell you I spoke to Alvin today…"

"You did what!? What did you want to speak to that murderous…"

"Brittany," Jeannette interrupted firmly. "Shut up." Brittany was so shocked she did actually shut her mouth and simply stared at Jeanette.

"You've said some terrible things to me Brittany… and I can't say I've actually forgiven you for them… but the fact remains that Alvin needs your support right now…"

"Let me get this straight," Brittany interrupted, having recovered her voice. "You want me to support the guy who killed your boyfriend?"

"Alvin **didn't** kill Simon, Brittany. He was reckless and foolish but he never meant to hurt his brother…"

"So that makes it okay does it?" she demanded angrily.

"No!" Jeanette finally snapped. "No, it doesn't make it okay Brittany! And do you know what? Nothing will. I have to face each day knowing I'll never see Simon again. I have to eat, sleep, walk, talk, and act normally knowing every second of every day that he'll never whisper to me again, never stroke my hair, never smile at me, never kiss me, never…" her tears were falling freely down her face and she drew a shuddering breath. Brittany was looking at her in alarm. Composing herself with an effort, Jeanette drew a deep breath and continued.

"You don't know how lucky you are Brittany. You still have Alvin. If you want to hear his voice, you just have to call him. If you want to see him, you walk down the road. And if you want to hold him and tell him everything will be alright… you can do that too. You have your whole future ahead of you, if you'll only let go of you stubborn anger and let yourself be sympathetic for once." She stared at her sister and noticed that there were tears on her cheek too.

"Jeanette, I…" she stopped and looked around as though seeking inspiration. "I just wanted to support you," she finally pleaded. Jeanette closed her eyes, thankful to finally be getting through to her.

"The best way you can support me Brittany, is by supporting Alvin. Simon wouldn't have wanted his family to fall apart without him. He wouldn't have wanted you and Alvin to have broken up."

"I thought… I thought you'd hate Alvin. I thought if I still loved him…" Jeanette managed a weak smile.

"Brittany… I may have lost my boyfriend but that doesn't mean I want to see everyone else unhappy." Brittany bit her lip. "Do you still love Alvin?" Jeanette demanded. Brittany nodded. "Then what are you hanging round here for?" Brittany smiled.

"How are you so good Jeanette?"

"I just want everyone to be happy," Jeanette said honestly. Brittany frowned.

"But what about you?"

"Me?" Brittany nodded and watched her sister carefully. Jeanette thought about the question.

"I don't think I'll feel happy for a long while yet… but that doesn't mean I won't try. I'm going to try and do everything Simon wanted to. I'll go to college… study… maybe if I get a research job I can do something truly worthwhile and make him proud…" Brittany came over and hugged her.

"He'd already be proud Jeanette." Jeanette sighed and leant into her sister's embrace, letting her sooth away some of her pain. Finally she pulled back and gestured Brittany away.

"Go on. Go make up with your boyfriend." Brittany looked her over once more before smiling and leaving Jeanette alone. Jeannette wandered upstairs to her room, relieved to find it empty. Silently she sat herself on her bed and pulled out the last present Simon had ever given her. The book was leather bound and for a moment she simply ran her hands over it. Then she carefully opened it to the page she had by now memorised –

Music, when soft voices die,  
Vibrates in the memory,  
Odours, when sweet violets sicken,  
Live within the sense they quicken.

Rose leaves, when the rose is dead,  
Are heaped for the beloved's bed;  
And so thy thoughts, when thou art gone,  
Love itself shall slumber on.

And as she had every night so far, she lay down with the words echoing in her mind and drifted off with memories of Simon keeping her company. She was never alone, knowing she had been loved.


End file.
